Grimmtooth's Troops

I was saying just the other day how the game can catch you unawares with little things that make you chuckle or simply laugh out loud. I’m going to classify the quest Hozen Love Their Keys as one of those. I can help but wonder if the end of the quest was a subtle nod to the ending of a certain movie that came out this year.

I’ve gotten plenty of turns through Stormstout Brewery at this point, and something always amuses me near the end …

Now, I don’t know about you, but I get this image in my head:

Our very own hecklers! Well, played, Blizz.

Guild business, voice chat.  Discussion: the new talent system.

Me: "They’re not so much talents as much as they are moods."

Alas: "You have to blog that."

Mission: accomplished.

In life, I elect not to toot my own horn, to not make claims of adequacy or excellence, but to leave it to the readers and other people I have contact with to draw their own conclusions.  In the ad world, I would be a complete and utter failure, and, in fact, I prefer not having the pressure of competency hanging over me with its incessant demand to meet the day’s quota of awesome. Obscure, but blissfully unaware of the demands of success, that’s me in a nutshell.

Having said that, I’m happy to let the readers speak for themselves.

• I help readers do their homework.
• The blog is both informative and stimulating.
• It looks wonderful.
• My information is trustworthy.
• The blog is useful and interesting for relevant information¹
• Relevant to Droid phones (Who knew?)
• Full of useful information and fresh knowledge.²
• I work hard.
• I understand the internet.
• I realize how to bring a problem to light and make it important.³
• Reliable and efficient!
• More and better stories!
• My Diablo rants were cleverly disguised Dyson cleaner reviews.
• I aid newbies.
• I make uneasy topics easy.⁴
• I benefit you with good text.
• …

And the accolades just keep pouring in, for three pages or so last time I checked.

Damned if I know what they were doing in the spam filter.

1. This was actually a trackback, not an actual comment, to be fair. [↩]
2. In a former life I was known as MC Short’n'Fresh. Trufax. [↩]
3. After all, if a problem isn’t made important, it just goes away! [↩]
4. I use a combination of easy listening music and chloroform. [↩]

Somewhere in Dalaran ….

… a plaque?

… what’s it say?

Name?

Shadow.

Surname?

Fiend.

Profession?

Minion, type 4.

Aye, times are tough for you types, ain’t they?

Well, the paycheck’s still coming in, but the writing’s on the wall.

New guy, isn’t it?

Yeah. A real go-getter.

All show, no go?

Oh, he’s got the right stuff, for sure. Quite frankly, we’re outclassed.  Gotta be honest.

How’s he doing that?

Well, first of all, he flies!  I can barely slither, and here he comes flying?  Can’t hold a candle to that!

How’s that happen?

I’m guessing the Twilight types left a few bits of research lying about, and the Temple had a look.

That’s a right shame, it is.

Well, at least I have time to find a new gig.

Well, right. What’s your qualifications?

Well, I studied in the twisted nether. Majored in Hit-and-run Tactics and Ignoring Masters’ commands. Picked up a nice Disco spec in Karazhan and romped around Northrend for a while. Spent most of my time recently in Shadow spec questing about. Seen Alien about 1,344 times and it keeps getting funnier EVERY SINGLE TIME I see it.

Hm. Yes. Very good.  The computer’s coming up with some nice candidates.

Great!  What you got?

Well, we got this walk-in part in Westeros that pays pretty well.

Cold there, isn’t it.

That it is. Hm. Do you have a hairnet?

I don’t  have hair.

Right, that would be a no.  How are you with numbers?

Um, not bad.

Right. Okay, luv, I’ve got a few options here.

Yes?

First, we have several entry level openings in the food service industry.

That’s not really my gig, though.

Exactly right, I thought the same. So, we have several middle-management openings in the Banking industry to do with Derivatives.

I have principles.

Oh, that is unfortunate.  Well, there’s one other possibility other than Oblivion, but I doubt you’d like it.

I’ve an open mind, lay it on me.

It’s in your field of expertise, but it’s a huge change of pace.

Come on, out with it.

Sorry, sir, of course.  Was just trying to prepare you.

I am prepared.

Warlock minion.

Warlock minion?

Warlock minion.  Type 2. A promotion, actually.

…

I was not prepared.

Sorry, luv, I tried to soften the blow.

I do appreciate that.

… Think they’d waive the hairnet?

I’m sure they would.

Well, let’s get the ball rolling then!

Right, sir. I’ll need you to sign here …

Go boldly amidst the noise and haste of LFD, and enjoy what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without grinding, be on good terms with all factions. Speak your strats quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the l33tsauce and the preeners; they too can serve as examples.

Avoid loud and spammy persons, they are vexations to /Y. If you compare yourself with others players, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser gearscore than yours.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your gear plans. Keep interested in your main, however boring dailies may be; this is a real asset in the changing endgame raid tier.

Exercise caution in on the AH; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what deals there are; many persons strive for undercuts; and everywhere life is full of profit.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about your guild; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as constant as the stars.

Take kindly the counsel of experience, gracefully surrendering the gear of youth. Nurture PvP gear to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many wipes are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the Titans, no less than the Gnomes and the Dwarves; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt lore is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with Metzen, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your Transmog set. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful virtual world. Be cheerful.

Strive to cap your VP.

(With apologies)

Well. Alrighty, then.

This week the Vorpal Bunnies forayed again into Blackrock Descent.  I’m happy to say that after a few tries, we were able to add Maloriak to our trophy case.

That’s  not what this is about.

In front of Mal’s room is this fine specimen, one Maimgor. Maimgor is just a trash mob, but he’s a tough one, and if you do something really wrong, it can all go wrong in an instant.

Noted is that the Bunnies are really good at finding how to do things really wrong.

Now, depending on your guild, you might have a policy that everyone die on the spot to save time, or you might have no policy, which is our situation, and so a few of us have a tendency to see if they can actually get away from the boss and life to see another day.

And thus it was when Maimgor killed both tanks and nommed on a very surprised warlock, a great many people had time to run away, get to the elevator, and ride it up to the next level.

"He can fly, you know", came across Vent.

"He’s not, though. He’s walking – holy crap, he’s waiting for the elevator!"

And he did. And then he rode the elevator to the top. My comrades of course had evacuated by that point, so when he got up there, he sniffed around, then rode the elevator back down and resumed his post.

Not sure if this is to be filed under "unintentionally funny" or "hey, an Easter egg!"

In Eff the Ineffable, raid participants are encouraged to take part in self-evaluations of raid performance after raids. In the same spirit, I present this¹.

I may have too many boss mods.

1. Wile E. Coyote © Warner Brothers Studios. [↩]